Just Ask For It

I have a card that sits on my desk as a daily reminder. It says:

“The key to getting what I want is to ask for it.”

Time and time again in both life and in my business journey, I’ve been reminded that in order to create the impact I really want to make, I have to ask for it. I have to vocalize my needs, and tell my story. Invite others into the process.

This lesson was profoundly pounded into my head in 2017 when a big workshop in Ethiopia was canceled the day before I was supposed to leave. I remember staring at the email thinking How the heck am I going to recover from this financial setback? And then my husband said, “Don’t you have a cancellation clause?” Doh. I took a look at my contract and saw that I did in fact have a cancellation clause, and that I was supposed to have been given at least two weeks’ notice or full payment. 

Now, it seems obvious on the surface, and hindsight is 20/20, but $27,000 was on the line for me, and I felt guilty for thinking it was owed to me. Afterall, I hadn’t actually done the work. But the more I thought about it and the more people I talked to, especially men, the clearer it became that I needed to have the phone call and ask for it. 

With trepidation, I got on the phone and started to make my case. It was clear the message wasn’t landing, and something inside me clicked. I finally said, “This isn’t personal. It’s business.”

The guy paused and said, “So, you think you should get paid for work you did not do.” This may seem like a crappy question, but it was powerful at the time because it really forced me to articulate what I wanted. 

“Yes, I do think you should pay me, because that’s what’s in the contract.”

“Okay, I just needed to hear you ask for it.” And he genuinely did. 

The relief I felt in that moment was palpable, and it was quickly followed by a lightning bolt realization. I had spent weeks dwelling, ruminating, researching what I should do, asking others for their perspective, when really, I had everything I needed in the contract. I simply needed to find the courage to ask. 

I did get paid for that canceled trip, and then I returned to Ethiopia in December that year to finish the project and got paid for that trip, too. 

That experience shaped the start of my time working with women entrepreneurs, and it continues to be an important mantra for me as I am in the process of making some shifts in my own business today. 

Here’s what I know to be true when it comes to asking for what you want. 

You don’t have to have all the answers or pieces in place to share what you need.

In my perfectionist brain, I like to know how everything fits together. I like having all my ducks in a row, but in business, it rarely works that way. Especially when you’re making a transition or shifting into something new. 

It helps to talk it out, to articulate it out loud for others. The conversations that ensue are often powerful direction-shapers and help you bring more clarity. They also open the door to important connections that will open additional doors. 

Don’t wait to have all the answers or everything clearly articulated. Talk it out!

Most people need you to articulate - or ask - for what you actually want. 

Early in my marriage, I learned that my husband isn’t a mind-reader, and that lesson has been reinforced over the 20 years we’ve been married. If I need or want something, I need to tell him. He needs to hear me ask for what I want in order to meet me where I am! 

When I had that call with the Ethiopian team, they needed to hear me ask for what I wanted. Thousands of dollars were on the line. 

I know it can be hard. It can be incredibly uncomfortable and sometimes, even scary, to put your needs and wants on the table. But the absolute worst - and I KNOW this is cliche - they can do is say no. If and when that happens, you have new information to work with and a new course of action to take. 

Your business won’t grow if you don’t ask.

This applies to sales conversations where you have to ask people if they want to work with you. It applies when you need an introduction to someone. It applies when you need to hire help or have a problem you need solving. Asking is a critical component to making your business grow.

I recently experienced the power of asking. I was having a conversation with my dear friend, Meghann, and she and I were talking about the direction of my business and what I might need support with as I put the pieces together. She told me about a fellow colleague of ours, and I asked if she’d make an introduction. She did, and HOLY MOLY, that conversation was literally a game-changer. I saw how what I’m trying to create is actually possible. I saw that I can actually get financial support for it, have doors opened in a way I could only dream about… It was powerful and only possible because I asked. 

What do you need to ask for in your business? 

Is it help developing a strong strategy and an execution plan that will allow you to have the impact you truly want? Perhaps you need someone to hold you accountable because you love a good shiny object. Or maybe it’s hiring a team member and you have no idea where to start or you need an introduction to someone in a particular industry. Whatever it is, I encourage you to ask for it! 

And funny enough, people actually like it when you ask for help or to troubleshoot situations. It gives them permission to ask for help when they need it. 

So, how about we grow our businesses by asking for what we want instead of trying to trudge our way through the muck alone. I don’t know about you, but I sure do like the sound of that.